#satire

Thelush sceneryverdant woodlandsurban bustlecomplete lack of atmosphereofMalibu, CaliforniaCartagena, SpainBogota, Colombiathe Sea of Tranquilitywas the perfect setting forHonda MotorcyclesSuzuki MotorcyclesDucati Motorcyclesour Alien overlordsto introduce the new-for-this-yearredesign of the CBR1000RRBNG edition GSX-R600slightly different Scramblershape-shifting hoverbike. There’s been a lot of buzz surrounding this bike since it was introduced at last year’s Milan show – will it measure up to the hype when we ride it on real roads?

Plenty of weird stuff happened in 2017, but no weirder than usual so I really can’t complain. We’ll miss Nicky Hayden, who I remember reading about in Roadracing World when he was 13 years old (how old does that make me?), and has now departed this mortal coil way too early. I won’t miss, they tell me, the corporate tax rate of 35%, which is going down to 20% and will supposedly juice the economy like crazy and lead to a new bull market in motorcycles like the one in the ’Aughts. That’ll make everybody around here happy. All the kids are getting rich on Bitcoin, too, and home equity is on the rise again. We’ve already got granite countertops and big knockers; what does that leave? Motorcycles, that’s what. Basically we’re all set to get on up out this biatch and do some serious WINNING! Here are my predictions for 2018!

Senior Columnist Gabe Ets-Hokin is recovering from a large blood-plasma sale. In his place is this roundup of world motorcycling news.

Your regular Skidmarks Correspondent, Gabe Ets-Hokin, is on an extended leave pending official investigation into the true meaning of his last column. We have provided the following roundup of this week’s motorcycle news highlights in place of his regular writing.