“Jesse James is a Dead Man” Pre-Show Review

I give you my first impressions

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Jesse James, the man behind Monster Garage, might die. But I doubt it. His new television show “Jesse James is a Douchebag Dead Man” is Jesse toying with death through a variety of different feats and stunts he will perform.

And by toying with death I mean he’ll be taking as many safety precautions as possible to make sure that death is not even in the equation. What does that spell? Well, I’m sure you’ll see some cool stuff like explosions and cars doing flips on the show but no real serious danger.

But hey, it’s TV, not a snuff film! I don’t know about you but after watching the “Making of a Dead Man” documentary on the show, I can’t help but roll my eyes. There seems to be a lot of hype on that show about things that just don’t impress me. It also seems that Jesse’s cast and crew think that pretty much everything will kill him.

The TV Network SPIKE will be airing Jesse’s new show starting on May 31st (this Sunday) for all who are interested in explosions and machismo. Probably the best way to watch it is with a bikini clad girl in one hand, and some NOS Energy Drink in the other while listening to Kid Rock. Extreme.

See the full article for my review of the pre-show “Making of” documentary of “Jesse James is a Dead Man”

Warning: This is a rant.

So after watching “Making of a Dead Man“, I’m feeling disappointed. There have been videos where I have said out loud “My god, that’s amazing!” but there was none of that when watching this “documentary”

Watch the pre-show documentary “Making of a Dead Man” for “Jesse James is a Dead Man” and follow along with me…

Here are a few points about the things that Jesse James will do on the show:

Jesse races in the Baja 500.

Not too mind blowing. I’d actually like to try this myself. The cars have enough roll cages and safety harnesses that I wouldn’t be too afraid of crashing, just losing. According to his crew, Jesse is going to die.

Jesse drives a big wheel truck into a house.

“50/50 chance he’s going to die”. Where the hell did that come from? The trucks tires are practically larger then the house and the house is also crumbling to pieces when seen from the inside. Unless the house is going to explode when he lands on it, he’s not going to die. All his cast members say it’s ludicrous and stupid that he’s doing it but I just don’t see why it is. Does driving a monster truck into a house scare you? I’d be happy to do it.

“If he goes too fast he’ll go over the house and be on the road”…. so what?

Jesse does figure-8 racing

“The most dangerous race on the planet”… wait, I thought the Baja 500 was… Ok so this is pretty cool mainly because I’ve never heard of Figure-8 Racing.

“Jesse didn’t know what hit him”… a car did. Case closed.

Jesse does various clips

“Jesse flew an F-16″… Ok?

“and blew through a massive amount of high-calibre ammo”… I’m waiting for the part where he almost dies…all he did was shoot some big guns.

He drives through a minefield to “test his reflexes” but c’mon, he’s driving around clearly marked planted explosives that someone is setting off. A choreographed stunt with pyrotechnics. Does this impress people still?

Jesse takes on the Cops

All right. They got me. This looks cool. Everyone has wondered if they could ever outrun the cops in a car chase so we can at least live out our dreams through Jesse James. 6 cop cars, a chopper, roadblocks and spike strips. I’d watch this.

Jesse flies really fast in a WW2 plane

That’s pretty much it. He doesn’t know how to fly but he obviously does.

Jesse rides a motorcycle on ice in freezing temperatures.

Buell did this already and it was more exciting. This could be interesting just to see how they prep the bike and Jesse for the cold weather.

Jesse rides a Nitro Bike.

Cool just because the bike is very interesting. The cuts and editing lead us to believe he crashed but who knows. This is a teaser episode anyways.

My Conclusion

All right, I’m being a little rough about the show. I’m sure it’s about as mind blowing as a Chris Angel episode though. It’s something you’d turn on while you did the dishes or cleaned your bathroom. It seems like it could have some really cool stuff (i.e.: police chase, Nitro Bike,) but it can have some filler that just isn’t impressive.

Why isn’t it impressive? I think we’ve all seen a ton of action movies and we’ve seen crazy stuff before. I think we have YouTube and the Internet to blame too. Jesse riding his bike through the snow… Meh.

I’m sure I’m taking this all for granted but I am the viewer. The makers of the show should be wowing me, not themselves.

My biggest problem is the narrator’s tone of voice and that raspy whisper he does. If you actually pay attention to what he says, it’s completely ridiculous and dumb.

It’s something to watching if you want to see controlled explosions and some interesting car stuff but I think the show should be renamed, “Jesse James Does Stuff”.

The show airs May 31st on SPIKE. Maybe I’m wrong. If you are going to see it, let me know what you think.

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This crash really doesn’t look that bad. He gets tossed over the handlebars and lands in soft mud and then just kind of milks it… but I could be wrong.

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  • Joe

    Sounds like watching Nicholas Cage talk to a wall (or whatever he does these days) would be more exciting. And more interesting. Perfect show for Spike.

  • Phoghat

    You had it right thye first time. Jessie James is a douchebag

  • Nathan

    Jesse James is a complete douchebag. Why anyone pays attention to him and his hype is beyond me. Unfortunately, watching the few decent shows on Spike means I have to see a shitload of ads for this turd of a program…

  • Torry

    I’m a huge fan of his work; he is a true craftsman and master fabricator.
    So I’m not sure if he has sold out because the bike business is not doing well and he needs the money, or if he really doesn’t know yet how bad the show makes him look..

    The way over done drama was even too much for the motorsports stupid, the general lack of knowledge, of drag racing and nitro bikes from the narrator was terrible, what they really need to do to put this POS over the top, is have Bob Saget pop in every so often and crack some really lame jokes like when he did funniest home videos.
    Notable Quote’s
    The smoke out isn’t just for show = Burn out
    Metal shot at him at 18000 MPH = Really how did they get the speed on that?

    I will watch a few more times to see if they can get it fixed, if they don’t it will die just like that show Rides did, because someone thought it was good idea to pop to a different shot every half second like a POS MTV music video, because car guys want to see detail, and its really hard to see detail when they do that sh!t

  • Mark Prociw

    Thanks for your input on the show, Torry. I didn’t get a chance to see the first episode but I had a friend of mine tape it.

    I’m not sure if Jesse has sold out. I think he’s just bored. I guess he is a bit of a celebrity so this is another spotlight for him to be in.

    The overly dramatic acting and narration just kill me. Keep us posted and let us know what you think.

    Maybe the show will get better?

    As for “Sounds like watching Nicholas Cage talk to a wall (or whatever he does these days) would be more exciting.” :
    http://7.media.tumblr.com/H4BeKQxFjllglnexYc4dEGN8o1_500.jpg

  • Larry

    I saw Jesse Takes on the Cops. That’s why I found this site, wondering if I was the only one who found it overly dramatic and staged BS. Here’s the plot. He has a tricked out car with NOS and many other “speed mods”. During the intense and “very dangerous chase”, he hit nearly 100 mph on a closed road. Please let me take a momment to catch my breath. The cops are yelling “Catch him before he kills somebody.” He finally hit some stop strips and then the cops did a pit manueaver on him at a terrifying 15 mph and brought the horror to a peaceful end.

  • lOvetoride

    it was great idea to pop to a different shot every half second like a POS MTV music video, because car guys want to see detail.

  • Sammy

    What a hyped crap of a show. Jesse will hate himself and stop television once he realises what he did. So far I have seen the drag bike and the ice road episode. The drag bike episode was a joke, saying about how brave he was, hell a fat dude and an old man owned and rode the bikes he took a spin on.
    The ice road episode is another total joke, the whole thing is shot from a helicopter. It’s 125 miles, the heli can do the run in about an hour or less. The medical supplies he is supposed to take were general with no real prescriptions for anyone and a few hocky sticks for the kids??? Man, They really think the viewing public are such suckers.

  • http://WHOCARES GW

    I AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF JAMES IS A (WWE) WANNABE
    OR A DONALD TRUMP WHORE

  • Michael

    The show is pretty decent, although the staging on the cop chase show was a disappointment. I did dig the last song at the end of the snow-bike episode on his way to deliver that crap (the look on the old man’s face was funny as hell when he was handed one measly bottle of medicine in a bag). Does anyone know the name of that song at the end, just before they leave the ice road and enter Tuk (that place he and his guide went to)?

    I can’t find it, and the damn clip isn’t up on youtube or anywhere, so…

  • Eric P

    I love all you pathetic critics…What’s the name of your show? Oh, you don’t have one….LOL! That’s probably because no one wants to watch you. However, not only does Jesse have a show, and millions in the bank, but he’s bangin’ Sandra B too!

  • Torry

    Well I gave it a few more looks, and its still a POS, It will not last.

  • WesG

    EGO,MONEY,FAME I think these are the key motivators
    to how the show looks. Remember, this show has to
    appeal to a wide audience, many different people.
    so it has to be PG.And keep in mind this show brings
    to light may different hobbies for the world to see…

  • Mark Prociw

    It’s true Wes, you do get to see some interesting things aside from Jesse doing his “thing”.

    Figure 8 racing. I thought that was just for Hot Wheels.

  • Kenneth Burcham

    It seems to me the dude is getting paid to have fun. If you don’t like it turn the channel.

  • Vicli

    Bombshell Mcgee – your have too be kidding me.. how ugly is that hag .. sinner fits her forehead.. pigggg… I dont’ care about their relationship … SB is pretty and non pretentous… i like her….McGee is another Angelina Jolie …

  • Vicki

    Actually .. JJ probably has a small dick … loves the hookers… must be dirty talk… any bald douche bag would believe he looks good… happy halloween hags
    maybe mcgee is marilyn manson

  • Vicki

    Cmon people JJ likes the Marilyn Manson women …and he fought for his daughter.. good job pig … your first wife was scum ..

  • Vicki

    His first wife was a pig… at least SB fought to raise his daughter. Call Social Services …

  • FRANK

    Jesse James…SCUM BALL OF THE YEAR….nothing but an over rated PUNK

  • Gordon Day

    He ain’t bang her any more!And I second his ” Scum Ball of the Year ” award.

  • King

    No more sandra for him, enjoy your rebab prick, but you ain’t gettin her back HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!

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